I had a doozy of a weird dream a couple of nights back, so I thought I’d bring back what is undoubtedly one of the easiest-to-write features in the history of this blog. Basically I describe two dreams, and you have to guess which one was the real dream, and which one I made up in my waking hours as a strange sort of creative writing exercise. Here goes!
Dream One – The Hobbit in the Nutri-Grain Hat
Dream where Beyond Studios were filming a version of The Hobbit starring me as Bilbo Baggins. We were about to shoot the scene with all the dwarves invading Bag End (which seemed to just be filmed at someone’s flat) when I suddenly decided Bilbo shouldn’t be bald, so I made the hasty suggestion that I should wear a hat made from a Nutri-Grain box, which for some reason everyone went along with. So we filmed the whole scene like that, and I thought it went quite well.
Later, I began to have doubts about the Nutri-Grain hat, thinking it might distract attention from what was going on in the scenes. I found a curly brown wig under my bed and considered suggesting that we should either re-film the Bad End scene with me wearing that instead, or the Nutri-Grain hat could be digitally replaced in post, or we could start the next scene with me discarding the hat so I didn’t have to wear it for too long. But I didn’t have the nerve to suggest any of these ideas, so we just went ahead and filmed the next scene with the Nutri-Grain hat still on, and me feeling increasingly guilty for possibly screwing up the whole film.
Dream Two – Rainy Day Skydiving Adventure
Dream where my podcast Rainy Day Adventure Club was on its seventy-fifth episode, and to celebrate I invited back a bunch of guests from the past. The format seemed to have changed. There was no discernible adventure – we were just sitting around chatting in a room that looked a bit like the weird restaurant at the end of IKEA. At one point I joked that this was the Quarter Quell of RDAC and all the guests would have to fight to the death like in The Hunger Games. Everyone laughed way more at this than seemed realistic, and I began feeling bad because I thought they were just humouring me, and had been all along. Angry about this, I punched several of the guests in the face.
Later, in a seemingly unrelated part of the dream, I was about to skydive out of a plane with some other people but the man who I had thought was our instructor kept making weird comments that made me think he wasn’t a real skydiving instructor. He would make some off-putting comment like this, then reassure me he definitely was a skydiving instructor, then immediately make another off-putting comment. Eventually I decided I didn’t want to skydive, and as soon as I said this the plane started plummeting towards the ground. Thankfully I woke up before it got there.
There you go! Which of those was a real dream I had recently? Oh, and the answer to last time’s is: Seasickness Tablets was the real dream. Well done to my brother James for getting that right! He knows me too well.